I Found Myself Standing At A Payphone In Istanbul With No Idea How I’d Gotten There…


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I found myself standing at a payphone in Istanbul with no idea how I’d gotten there. There was precedence for this of course, as I’d not only been here in the past but I enjoyed the adventure of waking in strange places many times before. I would only accept the absolute best purity available, and my present situation reflected this…with no lingering side effects I was now free to be on my way. As soon as I had begun to find my bearings a small noisy Toyota Pickup pulled up, inside dressed to the nines with dingo balls and  900x900px-LL-0556ce38_phap12315fuzzy Dice. I noticed it was Patel, “Would you like to go to the moon,” he yelled above the loud Arab music. I shouted back playfully, “How the hell did you know where I was?”. Patel replied with glee, “Coach called, and he was worried you would wander off.” Well that explains everything I thought. I hopped in the jalopy and asked him if he would mind taking me to Athens the long way via a stop for incidentals in Sofia. “Anywhere, is fine”.

I love Patel, he was old school and although we’d been through some rough patches together, if not Coach there was no other person I’d rather have by my side other than Patel. Patel was a man of the night and a great companion in Eastern Europe and the Middle East because he was a polyglot (Spoke several languages). Patel had gotten me out of more than one fix in the past as I had done for him in the states. Plus we were real fucking blood brothers, you know just like the mafia…pricking fingers and sealing the deal by bringing the world together from our potent dedication.

The only thing was that Patel loved his weed, and I was more a pharmaceutical grade kind of guy. I used to smoke the weed but it just made me paranoid. To be honest the real conundrum was that Patel actually drove better after a toke…when sober he was dangerous behind the wheel. Neither of us touched alcohol anymore, unless it was used as a solvent to hold, sustain, and preserve opiates. As a matter of Fact that was the reason for our stop in Sofia. When we got to the Bulgarian border, Patel waved 900x900px-LL-e6cc8a0c_3661024968_57c89e6e22_ohis passport and gave the guard a package, that was enough for us to continue on.

Once we got to the city it was in and out…I just had to test for purity, excellent, then southeast to Athens. Of course I had a taste and wanted to be chill for the flight back to the States. Once reaching Athens, one more stop for a drop and then it was on to the airport. I convinced Patel to come along. I told him it was beautiful in Montreal this time of year…that he had to come along. After some haggling, I had to promise to obtain a supply of hydro for him for the journey, I agreed, that was fair enough. We would have to make a stop in the Granite State for that and then drive over the border into Quebec. You see it was fine to bring incidentals north over the border but not south back into the States, which meant that we would have to finish whatever supplies we had when coming back home over the border.

I went into a deep sleep on the plane and did not wake until we arrived at the airport, wow this stuff was speed bump free…really smooth. After getting a rental car we head north to New Hampshire so that we could gather supplies before heading to Quebec. We quickly obtained Patel’s hydro as well as a cooler with ice and beverages. I fixed my face and then 900x900px-LL-ce690b88we were of to the races. All I could think was that Coach would love to be with us but he, well we will not discuss where he was but it was not here. His loss, was all I could think, he’d come along next time.

Oooh this was going to be fun, we made a pit stop before hitting the Canadian Border, in Burlington, Vermont to pick up a small tank of Pharmaceutical Nitrous and my bottles of tincture would be waiting in Montreal for me. Coach had rubbed of on me, I did not have to carry incidentals across borders anymore and not go without. As usual customs at the border was a breeze and we were in Montreal within an hour. We head to Rue St. Denis to our hotel and after getting settled…err, yeah right, the sound of nitrous was flowing into heavy balloons and Patel smoked his hydro. Two beds, stretched out an staring into space…wah wah wah wah wa wa waw wa weee awww….the hours passed by like minutes and before we know it was morning.

Well with no sleep, it would be strange in Old Town, but I loved that place it reminded me of Spain, and I had to go there. All Patel kept saying was that he wanted to go for Indian food, he was more easily satiated…food, not for me. So I took my morning medication but only a half a dose because I did not want to pass out leaving Patel to carry my melted body all the way back to the hotel without authorities noticing. I know what your thinking, I was a responsible substance user, and would never put my weight onto others. Only I was 900x900px-LL-f1614a80_tumblr_kqixcwZiC31qzcz75o1_400responsible for my actions, no one else. Again Patel said he wanted to see what time the Indian restaurant was open for lunch…he had looked it up at the tourist info center. I would not be caught dead at a tourist center. I was never a tourist, I was at home wherever I went, not really but I pretended that I was. Please don’t burst my bubble.

I thought it would be a great idea to hit up Club Stereo and hang out with the dark after Patel got his lunch. Too much sun was bad for my complexion, a little bit of cholesterol converted in my epidermis to vitamin D and I was toast. So it was back to the hotel for some more gas and his hydro. I actually liked that skunky smell, my brain just could not take it anymore, so I’ll just enjoy the smell. After enough gas I went out, not waking until dark, I was very happy as I was a night person. I would make a great vampire…”I’ve come to suck your blood”, I would say over and over and over. The people in the lobby taking tea were annoyed, I heard one guy say in French, “Fucking stupid Americans”. I asked him directly in Spanish if he spoke Espanol, and he replied “Si”. So I continued in Spanish telling him I was fucking Norwegian, via Iceland from Viking Stock direct lineage and my friend Patel was fucking Asian from Mumbai and that if he didn’t treat us with respect we would kick his ass. I know, it was very hard to keep a straight face as I could hear Patel sucking on a huge balloon with a high pitched squeal…then Patel collapsed in the lobby laughing.

After dragging him out the front door, we spent a night at the club. Got some veeze and got really tweaked…time flew hours into minutes. It was almost morning already, so we decided to head back to the hotel room to finish off all the incidentals as it was time to head home. Yeah right, after doing so we ended up passing out and waking the next evening to  someone having crazy sex in the next room over. It was frickin’ loud, so loud it woke me out of my stupor. Well a few more hours and It would be light, so we gathered our things, finished the last taste and got in the car to head for the border.

So I usually don’t get paranoid, but as we got close to the US border, I felt a little self conscious about dealing with customs and I hoped it would be a smooth transition. Then I looked at Patel, then looked down at myself and thought oh shit, we’re screwed. I never thought about it but I was a longhair at the time and Patel looked middle eastern and we were both worse for wear. We were unlikely comrades and our story of what we were doing in Canada was sure to be frazzled. I thought, calm down we have nothing in the car. Remember nothing goes across the borders south, we would be fine. So we approached the border agent and as I thought he had us pull forward to be checked. We parked the car and a group of armed border agents approached the car and they told us to wait inside in the lobby and they would come get us when done.

Nearly an hour passed and an agent walked in he said well we found what we were looking for and it’s enough to hold you. He raises his hand and shows us one marijuana seed. One Fucking SEED!!!! WTF. He said we could detain you for this but we will not because as it is a rental car it could have already have been in there, and that the rest of the car was clean and that we could go. So we walked outside and what do you know all of the cars’ removable interior was piled all around it. They just left it there for us to put it all back together. Assholes! Well we gathered and organized just happy to get out of there. We made it back home to watch some great cinema on the tube. We were lucky, especially I was fortunate, as it probably was not a good idea to find myself standing at a payphone anywhere without knowing how I had gotten there.


Thanks for reading.

Cheers and Bless Bless!


CM ☕


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