Sunset Hollywood, Seattle Sound And European Christmas Vacation Anthony Bourdain Style! Also My Latest Swedish Snus Haul…

Sunset Hollywood, Seattle Sound And European Christmas Vacation Anthony Bourdain Style! Also My Latest Swedish Snus Haul ~

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Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

So I just got off the phone with a relative visiting Los Angeles, and I ask, where have they gone…”We’ve been to Venice Beach, Santa Monica, yada yada, and Disneyland in Anaheim. We’ve been very busy, tomorrow we head to San Diego where we will be able to relax a bit more.” I replied, “Awesome…what about the Sunset Strip, how did you like that?” I remember when I went to California for my first time…I had a local take me to see the sites, and when I brought up that I wanted to go to the strip, she said…’there’s not really much there, but I get it, we can make a stop there so you can check it out.’ I get it many locals will say that it’s a dirty waste of time. Not me, I thought, I was on a pilgrimage and if I did not experience anything other than “The Strip” that would be fine. I also get that it’s very touristy…I did not care it was the 1980’s and I had to go. So anyway my relative on the phone today  says, they did not go to 346462hjSunset, and they would not have a chance. It was like a knife in my chest…WHATTTTT!!! At least do a drive through, WTF! So much amazing history but I guess it’s not to be. I know some of you are saying F Sunset, dirty waste of time…WRONG!


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!


All I could think of to myself is that some day they will regret not going to the strip, just to see The Rainbow, The Whiskey, and The Troubabour. It reminded me of my first trip to Continental Europe with my Grand Parents when they took us on the “safety tour” in the 80’s when I was young, God love em, but I remembered that they tried to censor our trip. I grew up in Iceland so debauchery was not new to me, but the grandparents were a bit naive and did not get that we, the young ones already experienced the “adult stuff”. My uncle, aunt, and cousins lived near Nijmegen, Holland. It was pretty awesome experiencing it like a local…riding the bike paths in and out of the city and the 10 miles from Beuningen to Arnhem. We had Fritz Met, fries Old Skool 377 Holland - CopyEditand mayonnaise, had to explain what the American word “Cool” to a local (It did not mean cold), and were hit with major porn next to the Disney Movies at the “Video Ring” while renting VHS tapes. As you know women’s breasts on TV, on the front page of the newspaper, and at the beach is normal in Europe.



Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

We ate horse meat burgers (salty strange), canned hot dogs, and dairy products like eggs / butter / and unpasteurized fresh milk not refrigerated. Actually reminded me of Iceland, not the same, but eating strange foods that is. Remember there was no Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmern on TV then and wandering gastronomy was not popular with Americans…still is not, but people “get” foi gras now even if they don’t want to eat it themselves.  Now I know better to go for the Pig Cheek and Tuna Collar…first! Thank you Mr. Bourdain.


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

I also went to a Dutch school with my cousin and a friend of his, and all the students were asking me all kinds of questions about celebrities (blech!) and MTV (remember it was the 80’s). It wasn’t all bad, in fact I had a great time in English class. Everyone in Holland had English class in school, what was really cool was when I listened to the kids speaking English (Very fluent by the way), I realized they were learning British English. When they asked me to read a passage in their class book everyone seemed amazed and were stunned that I did not have an Icelandic accent. American English I found out that day was quite different from UK English.


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

Anyway I did not accept the idea of a censored Europe, no matter what they did (Much more on that later in this piece, see the plane ride home)…I spent my free days to do whatever I wanted, on my own wisely. I knew what I was looking for and I was going to take advantage of it, no matter what anyone said. We drove to Paris and I remember my Grandparents rushing us by the nude statues…very silly indeed, could not be avoided in The Louvre. Also all the sex shops near the Moulin Rouge was awkward for them…lol. We also went to East Germany, this was before the wall came down, and it was quite sad. Far from the free East Berlin Berghain / Panoramabar lawlessness I would visit several years ago, totally not like I remembered in a great way. We further went to Antwerp Belgium, Amsterdam NL (All Over NL), Berlin DE, Luxembourg, and Zurich Switzerland.  It was a very fun trip. 346346hg

I know now days seeing police dogs and Machine guns at airports is pretty common, but back then it was not.  You see we planned our trip months ahead and found ourselves in Holland with military fighter jets doing mission test runs above the house. We turned on the radio and in Dutch, they were saying America was on the brink of w*ar after blo*wing up one  of K*had*afi’s homes, kil*ling his s*on. It was pretty scary for a while we did not know what was going to happen day to day. Would we be taking our scheduled flight a few weeks later from Brussels to the US. We thought about leaving early, thankfully we did not as everything seemed to settle down when it was time to leave.


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

So as I said I was not going to allow a censored tour of europe, I was a young kid but had been around the block a few times. So I was worried about customs searching my bags especially with all I had acquired on my trip…unknowingly by my Grandparents and with the heightened security. My collectables in my luggage were; several Cuban Cigars, a bottle of cheap French Drinking Wine that all the locals in Paris drank at lunchtime with their bread and fromage, 1 bottle of Russian Potato Vodka, 1 bottle of REAL Czechoslovakian Absinthe, 1 Switchblade, 1 pen…woman with disappearing dress, 1 pack of Po*rn Star Playing Cards, and there was more but you get the idea. I was not even a teen yet and I was a walking ball of debauchery to go, just add water. It was that Heavy Metal music, it was a bad influence on me…I’ll blame it on that. K.


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

So we get to the airport in Brussels and began to put our luggage on the conveyor to the x-ray. As it went through I could have pissed myself. Breathe! As soon as my bag came through I picked it up and hustled it away about 30 feet to the bottom of the escalators. I grabbed another bag of my family’s as well. Then all of a sudden there was a commotion behind the scanner and two airport officials come out from behind and start pulling my Grandmother’s bag apart, obviously looking for something. They found nothing as my bag was safely away. Ah to be young again, man was I a handful. That was very close…very very close! Imagine them unpacking my suitcase full of treats right in front of my stunned Grandparents?!?! Anyway I passed through customs and on arrival in the US scuttled without even a search or declaration form in the US. As I walked by inspectors they paid me no attention as I tried to steady my bag, the bottles had come unwrapped and were now clinking. I almost shat myself…steady hand!


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

More to come about my trips to Continental Europe in the future, time to get back to music, Los Angeles, and Seattle. Forward a few years…Now it was the late 80’s, but I had travelled to LA in 83, 85, 88 and 89 and I did not establish my connections in the music industry until the middle of 1989. I thought to myself, I had missed out on Hendrix and the 60’s scene, as well as the Punk Movement in the 70’s (single digits, although I saw the 44633363mjRamones in 83 but that does not count, right, as I missed the movement). So I had to go to LA for the 80’s Glam Metal Scene…the Sunset strip was insane. The freaks were out and dressed to kill, it was more than you would imagine, the smell of Aqua Net and Phunky Kush was overwhelming. I got to see almost all of the LA Metal bands as there were shows every night of the week. It was a pretty carefree time as I was traveling back and forth between the UK, Boston, New York City, Los Angeles, and Seattle quite often. There were also many side trips to Vegas and Frisco as well. In the future I would find myself living between the UK, Reykjavik, Boston, San Diego, and San Francisco between tours in the 90’s. What made it even more amazing was that I was able to physically see the major turn in the music industry from LA Glam to The Seattle Sound.


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

When I look back on it, it was a seismic shift but as I just liked loud music I transitioned easily from Motley Crue and Ratt to Alice In Chains and Nirvana. I did not give a fuck about the politics and I got along with almost anybody, so at the time I did not notice the music was too different, of course it was different, but more importantly I could feel that I was part of something very unique and a part of history. What made everything more confusing was that Guns N’ Roses, Janes Addiction, and The Red Hot Chilli Pepper’s holding it up for LA blurring the Alternative lines. Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax, and Slayer (The Big Four) where holding things up for thrash in the US and even bigger in Europe and South America. I would just the same listen to LA Guns, Mudhoney, or Megadeth (just as I do today)…where I really noticed the transition was when I went back home to work in the clubs in the 90’s.  All the work shifted from LA to Seattle for sure but back home Glam Metal was out and “Grunge” (hate that term) was in at some point. I didn’t get the memo that Metal was out and Seattle was in. I just went with the flow. The difference at home was the radio had stopped playing 80’s metal and full rotation was set on Seattle, it was really strange. Instead of taking my flights to LAX, I was now heading for SEATAC. That’s just the way it was. Not Enough time to write about the Raves and The Grateful Dead, Old Skool Rap Shows ( Notorious BIG, Snoop Dogg, Tupac, Warren G, NWA, Public Enemy, Wu Tang Clan, KRS 1, Dr. Dre, etc.) that’s for other articles…I was going nonstop for sure!


Photo Courtesy Of Doc!

My experiences during these times are just beginning to be published, every day still I remember a new adventure and make note to be sure I remember to write about it here. “Bastard Saint” the Series has turned into something bigger. A book about all my experiences set to a bizarre ethereal netherworld. Based on a true story…there is so much to it, I will be posting excerpts from it in the New Year of 2015. Sorry, much later than I had expected because I want to give everybody a taste of how the book is coming along and the characters within, without giving away everything in a few posts. However I will probably self publish and give it away for free. So I look to give everyone here pieces to wet the tongue, while leaving people wanting to see development and progress with the full text.

So in closing here I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays! Have a drink and a toke on me…I’ll be sticking with my coffee, Ettan, and Skruf Xtra Stark with a little Thunder Ultra Raspberry / Thunder Frosted, Oden’s Kanel, Gotlandskt Julesnus to keep it real for the season! Real Swedish Imported Snus Taxes Paid(Med Smak Av Jul !)….not that American SNUS Shit!


Most Recent Imported Swedish Snus Haul:


UPDATE: 12/23/14 ~ Excellent News…I guess it was meant to be. I just got off Facetime and the relatives did make it to the Sunset Strip today and they Loved It!!! They are now safely in San Diego [Dago] @ Mission Bay. Pacific Beach Manana!

So Cali Love!!!


Thanks for reading and for all your kind words and support!

More Interesting Articles and Reviews to come.

Cheers and Bless Bless!


CM ☕


Please do not reproduce this article either all or in part without the expressed written permission of the author who can be reached via the “Contact” section in the header menu. You may link to the article if you wish, all that we ask is that you give credit to the respective author…”Christmachine” wherever you post a link. Thank you.




Copyright © 2015 Christmachine. All Rights Reserved.

©2014 – 2020 Christmachine


The Las Vegas Adventure…Calling Dr. Thompson Part #2!

What the hell is all that noise…can’t a man get any sleep around here, I thought angrily. I was on the floor next to the bottle of ether and the sweet smell was permeating the air 900x900flparound me from the strainer lying next to my head. My head pounding, I was confused as my nose was caked with crystals…coach was sitting on the bed reading The Atlantic, saying “For the thousandth time it’s time to go”. He exclaimed The Eldorado was waiting out in front of the hotel and he was praising himself for the fact that he had waited until night for us to leave for So Cal. He knew the heat was rough on my constitution, as my coach these were the things I needed help with and thank God he did it well. There was good reason to keep him around.

I arose to fix myself so as to not tip off any of the neuro-typicals in the casino. I was not going into the bathroom again, not falling for that one. I had no control in that place like I did at home. I was able to adjust my tuxedo to the point were everything looked somewhat straight. I needed a new one as soon as I could get it, this one was worn out. I went over to my suitcase and as I was shaking and the bottles rattled…I took my medication from my organizer and noticed that I had missed two days 900x900px-LL-06b83c2e_465064_4b68902d77f81-worth. Had I been out for three days, I thought…well it would not be good to triple and catch up because we would be on the road and I did not want to leak out of the car into a puddle in the desert in the middle of the night.

We hurried through the casino to the caddy which I could see parked out in front of the hotel. Thank God for room check out because I could not face anyone in my present condition. Suitcase in the back and coach and I in the front we set of on the 15 to head towards Anaheim. It was so freaking hot, even at midnight, I could barely catch a breath as the air was so hot and dry and we had not even reached the desert yet. There was a warm six pack of Coca Cola on the floor of the front, I opened the sweet nectar and even though it was very warm, there was solace in just wetting my tongue.

I began to think and sometimes that can be a bad thing, but not now as I was comforted by the thoughts that had followed me my whole life. You see I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation but you know how people just have a feeling of what they may have been in another life? Well I had them often and strangely enough I feel as though I was a lifelong patron at an opium den. It was not about the drugs and getting high, for me it was about being in a state of dreaming and neutrality. That is no movement and fully sedated for days on end on a hard wood floor with only a small pillow to elevate my head to the pipe and burner, just in case I woke. The least amount of movement necessary to go back to my dreamlike state. I am instilled with the notion that there are no worries about money or time or responsibility. There is nothing but sleep for weeks and months at a time. There is also no chaos associated with this notion either so I must have had the funds to continue 600763_420429091388374_721449450_nFLPendlessly. No negative association either…I can’t fully grasp it but I imagine it’s like heaven on earth. I also can’t get any orientation as to where in the world I am participating in such a state of sloth.

Oh my God it’s getting so hot…is all I could think about. I can barely breathe, I imagine what it would have been like during the day. I was thankful for that! Next thing you know I start getting pelted in the face and chest with huge cockroaches…WTF!!! What the hell is going on…I could see coach ducking under the front of the windshield as I yelled at him what the hell was happening. He told me this sometimes happens in the desert, he’s heard. It was not cockroaches it was giant grasshoppers…billions of them falling from the sky. I could hear them popping as the tires rolled over them. I think they call these things locusts, you know like in the bible…was the world coming to an end. Coach and I were screaming nonsense back and forth at each900x900px-LL-1d2d9ddf_273455d1274789628amylee other but I did make out him saying that we would make a stop for gas at a tiny glowing station way off in the distance. What a relief, an end to this madness.

We pulled in and although it was lit up there seemed to be no one there, we pumped our gas and I could see these f’ing humongous grasshoppers fall from the sky as we took shelter under the awning. After filling the car we went into the office and there was a man sitting there in AC watching an old black and white television. “Rough night out there. eh boys.” Rough night I thought, what the hell is happening, he could tell I was confused and he looked like he had not seen anyone in days. “Oh the locusts” he said…”Yeah what’s with all the grasshoppers”, I said. He proceeded to explain that every several years this happens. Every several years!!! The night we head through the desert is the one time in several years…what madness. I looked at the temperature gauge outside and it read 130 degrees Fahrenheit at close to one in the morning.

So I guess we should just get in the car and continue on our way as if this was relatively normal. Well we did so and after another half hour of pulling these beasts from my hair  and teeth, it miraculously began to subside. Anaheim could not come fast enough…but we made it in a few hours and got to our hotel right across the street from Disney Land. I 900x900px-LL-3e4ea176_wards-of-the-crown-photo-of-a-young-lady-with-headphonescrashed on the bed after taking another dose of medication and I feel deep asleep. The nightmare was over, and as strange as it sounds the LA  air was a nice departure from the desert breath of death. I went out like a light.

I awoke the next morning and after fixing myself a bit and some meds…I was able to carry on. I thought it be good if I did not get too blitzed before we would go to get our press credentials at the convention center. I thought things could not get any stranger so early in the day, I stepped out of the hotel room for a breathe of fresh air. Oh no, yes it was happening in real life, I think. Right when I walked out the door sitting a mile away across an empty parking lot was WTF, Walleyworld! Yes from the movie…I know it 900x900px-LL-6af308c5_glamourai_radio2wwas disney land but it looked like Walleyworld with the empty parking lot and everything. I was in another dimension and had to get out of there, at least during the daytime, as it was too crazy for even me to handle.

I woke up coach in a panic and said we have to leave immediately because the outside world was closing in and we’d be lucky to get out of there alive. I grabbed my suitcase made sure everything was fastened down because I did not need clinking all day as we visited the convention booths. It was all a blur but after getting our credentials we went to a reception, I think it was for Washburn and who do I see right away but Nico McBrain and he was with Frankie Banali I think, and the new singer for Iron Maiden. Anyway I went straight over to him and gave him a big man hug and said, “where have you been all my life ugly.” He laughed out loud and since we both had free beer, the party was ready to begin full swing. We got so loaded, we were knocking over potted plants and tables and chairs and people. Sounds obnoxious I know but it was Nico…that was my queue to go hog wild, funny thing is he started getting wild. We were yelling and singing…I knew every word to every Maiden song and he was impressed. Others were not…but again it was Nico and when In Rome. This went on for a few hours and we ran into Mike Inez…I think he was in Ozzy at the time…maybe AIC…I forget. I’m writing this 900x900px-LL-7ef0824f_20090521015757from memory and do no fact checking so you get what I got. Mike was laying low in his leather cowboy hat…I wanted to trade my visor for it but he  would not. I was a a wild obnoxious guy in a rusty tuxedo. What did I expect.

Any way there was a piano there and Charlie Farren was there and playing elton songs and we were all singing our lungs out for a few hours till they kicked us all out of the hotel lobby. Everyone was pretty drunk and someone slipped some E into my beer. Vavoom and I was off…we went to see Greg Allman jam at an adjacent hotel and see Buckethead tear it up. He was amazing and it was still in the time period where he was wearing the KFC bucket on his head before he got attacked over copyright. The night was young and I was raring to go. As it was dark…boy does time fly, there was no sleep for me. Next thing it was morning after going from hotel room to hotel room all night and meeting people that where as crazy or crazier than me.

Well it was the next day and as I reflected on the day before, I thought there was no way it could get any crazier and I was wrong. Coach had given up and gone back to the hotel room without me last night. I found it better kicking it with Nuno Bettencourt for a while just 900x900px-LL-09e29a50_headphoneskstshooting the shit about music, it was then that a girl caught my eye. She looked my way as well, so I said goodbye Nuno and got with this girl and she was real friendly. She worked for a LA newspaper and she said, “You want to go over to the convention center and see some booths as well as get passes for parties”, that would be going on that night (My sentiments exactly). At some point I ran into coach, he looked really annoyed, and I could’nt help but think ‘hey poopy pants, who is the party pooper now?’. I was having such a great time and his recommendations were going unheeded. No offence to him, so I hooked him up with Jay from White Zombie and he was able to do an interview with him so coach was happy.

Walking around the booths with my girl pal…we eventually came to an area with a lot of commotion and I asked somebody what was the attraction. Someone said that it was Pam Anderson signing autographs and Tommy Lee was with her. So who did I run into all pissed off and jonesing Nikki Sixx. It was weird because everyone was falling all over Pam and Tommy that no one seemed to recognize Nikki but me. We had a chat and he was as pissed off as I thought…Sixx sense. He was waiting for Tommy to finish with Pamela…and 900x900px-LL-9b4ab95e_0345_31_4that seemed long off so after a sudden rush of photographers. You see when I went up to him, the photographers relized who it was and started snapping shots and that’s when he got really annoyed. So we got out of there so we could get got sorted…he was in a much better mood after that. Nikki wanted to get back with Tommy so we head back to their both and waited for them to finish.

So it was the second time running into Tommy in two weeks across state lines no less…he recognised me and we had a quick chat…after some nonsense, Tommy was a real chill guy…not edgy like Nikki. Nikki was cool too, he just had better places to be…ahem. Tommy had the “I could hang out here all day” attitude just real a sweet guy. It was as if I’d known him for years even though we had really just met. He gave me his secretary Karen’s number written on a Doc McGhee business card and said if I was ever in LA again to hit him up and “come and check out the band in the studio”. That’s how cool he was…awesome!

So there was reception after reception..I got to hang out with Jake E Lee which was a real thrill as well…super cool guy. Rock star after rock star blitzed out of my mind and coach was even happy…could it get any better. There did come a point in the day that Coach said he had some work to do and communicate with his editor. So I told him I would be fine without him as long as I stayed with my girl and not leave the confines of the convention and hotels. That was it for coach…I was on my own. We got invited to a party at someone’s crib in Malibu who will remain nameless. If you’ve ever seen the parties that they had in 900x900px-CrpFlpthe movie Boogie Nights…that’s exactly what it was like. The music was loud, nude, and very very high. The party went on for three days and two nights…I was tilled! We danced and crashed and danced and swam and caught crazy sun. My girl slept in one of the many bedrooms while I rallied on.

At some point in the middle of day three she wanted  to take me to her place in Orange County. I was so numb and could barely talk, I obliged and went back to her place and slept for four days straight. I woke to her nudging me on occasion as well as a bowl of cereal here and there. When I finally woke from the stupor…she told me that she wanted me to live with her.  This was followed by trips to the sunset strip to see 311 at the Whiskey and chill out at the rainbow. Life was really good and I was well stocked with incidentals. So I did not need to leave for a few weeks. One of the best benders I’d ever had. What happened with the girl, well I said we could communicate by phone, but I never saw her again. I love LA but when I got home that time, one of my many adventures in LA over the years I took the longest shower I have ever taken in my life. Oh yeah and I returned the tux.

Braindamage Inc.


Thanks for reading my nonsense, more interesting articles to come!

Cheers and Bless Bless!


CM ☕


Please do not reproduce this article either all or in part without the expressed written permission of the author who can be reached via the “Contact” section in the header menu. You may link to the article if you wish, all that we ask is that you give credit to the respective author…”Christmachine” wherever you post a link. Thank you.




Copyright © 2015 Christmachine. All Rights Reserved.

©2014 – 2020 Christmachine


The Las Vegas Adventure…Calling Dr. Thompson Part #1!

As I disembarked from the airplane I was on full. I just wanted to get my luggage and get away from this neutered artificial reality. I figured it was best to blend in around the Slots in muJthe airport lounge. We had spent most of our money on potent incidentals because that was more important than getting to our location. My Life Coach thought it best that we immediately get a “free ride” to Fremont street from the airport to our hotel. We were staying at the palatial  Binion’s Horseshoe Hotel. You know the place with a million dollars in cash sitting in the lobby and had a strict “Leave Your Guns At The Door Policy”. The problem was that our hotel did not have a shuttle service from the airport but my Coach was not worried. He just said we’ll get our free ride from the Golden Nugget across the street. I was confused but he was my life coach after all and there would be hell to pay if he got it wrong.

So Coach got on the courtesy phone by the slots and ordered our ride to the Golden Nugget. Still I was confused, but what seemed like forever we finally saw the mini van pull up. After loading the luggage, we were on our way. When we got to the nugget Coach gave the driver a fiver for a tip and we entered the hotel lobby. Coach whispered to me “Just follow my lead.” We walked up to the check in desk and although I was nervous there was no going back now. Coach opened his electronic organizer and said to the desk clerk as our baggage, now on a rolling cart was placed beside us, “Ma’am I would like to book five nights here at your hotel next month.” He continued on saying, ” My editor will be calling to confirm and pay for these days within the next couple of hours.” She obliged and made sure the dates were correct, finishing by saying, “Would you gentlemen like to take advantage of our breakfast this morning.” Coach replied in the affirmative.

We left our bags with the concierge and although I was not the bit interested in food as we had been awake for as long as I could remember. I did partake in a piece of hot bacon and a dip in the pool in my underwear. It was still early in the day and there was no one around thank God. We would have been booted for sure. After gathering our things we walked across the street to our hotel so we could finally get shelter from the hot morning sun. We were in Vegas for the week for C.E.S., scheduled to go on to NAMM in Anaheim the following week. Well we checked into the Horseshoe and right when I got to my room I could not help but freak out.

I emptied my pockets onto my bed, cash, a variety of incidentals, several pharmaceutical bottles, a visitor guide, a toothbrush, and a comb. Coach backed into the corner as I began to run around the hotel room screaming at the top of my lungs. “What am I going to do”, “How will I survive this viscous reality”. I did this for a few minutes until I could feel Coach grab me, throw me onto the floor and shove into my face a bottle of Alkyl Nitrite’s. I immediately got dizzy as I could feel the blood pumping through my veins into my brain.

I was sedated and handed my morning dose of medication which I took down like any good person would. As I turned over the room was spinning like vertigo, but now I was calm. Coach began to explain to me that as it was my first time to the Glitter Gulch, that he recommended that If I follow his advice everything would be fine. I think I passed out for a few hours only to wake up to coach listening with headphones to his Disc Man and dancing with four girls around the room. They were dancing and laughing to the music that bled cranked from his cans. As I head to the mini bar I asked Coach what the hell was going on…he said he was dancing and that if I wanted to prove not to be a party pooper I should dance too.

My head was pounding but soon that was relieved, better living through chemistry I thought. What would we do without analogues, I was utterly indebted to Mister S. So after fixing my face I went into the bathroom…but there was a mirror on the wall and that was not good. How could I be so stupid and forget about the damn mirror on the wall, most bathrooms have them. Oh sure you think what’s the big deal, well only that my nose was coming out of my bellybutton. I splashed some water on my face from the shower, fixed my face, and said to myself that I could do this I just had to give myself a chance.

It was time to head to the convention center to have some business cards made up by an automated self service machine that spit out 100 business cards on the spot containing 2655603322_262b337d76anything that you wanted on them. The reason for these was that in order to get into the convention for free with press credentials I had to have official business cards. This was why I kept Coach around, not only did he keep me in line but he had every little angle sorted out way ahead of time. I was new to all of this so I would not have been able to do it without him. That’s what he was paid for and he was the best at it. I could not have done any better.

Now picture this, all of the shenanigans that previously been encountered were done while wearing a tuxedo…yes I said it…a tuxedo….like at a wedding. I looked like a penguin with road maps for eyes. I was dressed to kill but I was disheveled none the less. Coach said in order to get respect from people you had to be dressed for success. With tops and tails, at this point I had already lost the top hat….I thought it looked stupid on me anyway, but Coach wore his with flying colors. Well he was in charge if it was up to me this whole adventure would have been long over by now.

After getting our credentials we decided to head to the Press luncheon…every day there were free lunches and dinners for us, members of the press were treated well with sponsored meals by the big audio manufacturers. Today was provided by Shure audio components. All the big wigs were there, I was like a fish out of water at first but soon got into the vibe and went along as I was handed live microphones to try out. Yes ladies and gentle furs   Karaoke from hell and I was tapped to sing because Coach just had to tell everyone that I was a vocalist. Now I must tell you that I hate…did I say hate Karaoke!!! Yes I put my manhood between my crotch and belted out my rendition of Purple Rain. Then Ramblin’ Man, Breaking the law, and Metallica’s Trapped under Ice. Let me tell you I blew those Karaoke muther F’ers away. I finished by throwing the mic in the air and it landed on the stage with a thump just like Axl Rose does. They had taken advantage of me…my weakness, complete and utter love for absurdity.

I left the ballroom humiliated but then I saw that the adult film expo was in full swing I had to check the legendary event out for myself. I did not know what I was in for. It was being held in the old Sahara hotel and casino and as you can figure, it was the most crowded and popular event. As I entered the ballroom the first thing I saw was an Amazonian woman on top of tables chained to a wall with red palm prints all over her backside as everyone that 800px-Hunter_S._Thompson_in_F_filmCRPentered the exhibition was to walk up to her and slap her behind before entering. I was horrified!!! The thing was either she really liked it or really new how to act. That was not for me as I was not a fan of degrading women in any way. I made a B line for the bustle of the crowd to get the hell out of there.

Now as I said I am not into degrading women but I would soon come to find this was not just bout naked women but naked men being promiscuous as well. It was, other than the initial impression when I walked in, equal opportunity. Ron Jeremy was there with all the famous Porn stars like Janine Lindemulder and Jenna Jamieson. There were cages where sexual acts were being performed in front of audiences. If this did not sober someone up nothing would. What I was witnessing was insane…I cannot begin to describe, you know what you see on video today…well they were doing it live.

Tommy Lee was there with two girls under his arms, as was Drew Carrey, and Penn and Teller. I forget who else but there were a lot of stars there, and everyone was getting wasted at one in the afternoon and not just soft drugs….everything right out in the open. It  was the wild west and anything went. I went from P0rn Star 3779675045_c79df1c5d2to P0rn Star meeting them all and getting pictures and autographs on glossies that each entertainer handed out. Yes I have the pictures and glossies to prove it over a hundred of them. This was in the early 90’s so I was using a manual camera. Sometime I will scan them all and post them in a gallery here.

There was a rock band playing in the corner and they were doing covers of strip joint standards like Girls Girls Girls. Large glass tables with mounds of rocks of cocaine were on display for people to partake. I’m not talking 8 balls here kids, I’m talking Rolling Stones size cocaine as in a kilo. It was the most I’ve seen in my life…I was blown away. I learned that you could put this substance in just about every orifice possible to get high…no not me, in them. As I say to people of these types of experiences, welcome to mars.

Now you might be saying why on earth would you post this…it has very little if at all to music. Well as I posted silly rabbits, that this was just day one of the convention in Vegas, and Part One. Part Two will be on my adventures at the famous NAMM convention in Anaheim the following week. There was plenty of music at that event, I felt it best to set the stage of my trip in Vegas and the west coast. So stick around to see how that went.


Bless Bless!

Braindamage Inc.


CM ☕


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