3 Of The Strangest Musicians I Have Ever Met…Part #3, Person #3 Of 3…[Remixed, Re-Edited, and Remastered]…


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3 Of The Strangest Musicians I Have Ever Met…Part #3, Person #3 Of 3…Rob Zombie.


There are three artists that stand out in my mind as being quite interesting people and very strange at the same time. The years have allowed me to meet some extremely eccentric 180315f-illcharacters. As I said there are three that instantly come to mind, and here’s the story on the third.

I reiterate, over the years of working in the nightclubs, I would have some very memorable encounters with musicians often well or just before they became famous. You know already that I worked for a string of clubs in a major city, and depending on the night I could be doing Fashion shows, DJ’s, Boxing matches, Spoken Word, Gay nights, Local and International acts, and all things outside and in between.

My coming to this conclusion about the strangest musicians I have ever met, all have different characteristics as to how they were chosen. This person was part of a band that I was onto very early on. I had a feeling they would be big because they were playing some earth shattering music, and it sounded different from everyone else. It was heavy and loud but they still had there own sound signature, so if you heard them you instantly knew who it was. What it was, slowed up and sexy grind core, with a dark foreboding melodic edge.

Beyond this strange character I am writing about here is a bigger story, that is all about the phenomenon of one band member having a vision, and it would be fair to say that these people may not have become famous without their original band that got them there. That is to say that once one member that was the voice of a band was able to turn the original 363381-1-1254775920877members into “hired guns” over time they could leave and restart a band based around them with new members and continue on, leaving all loyalties behind.

There are a lot of bands that have done this, some of the more notable ones are Billy Corgan of The Smashing pumpkins removing D’arcy and James Iha and creating a whole new band and acting as if the band was the same. Now we can see Billy was always the  leader and creator for the band, he had reached stardom, by losing the original members could he now reap more of the profits and full control? (The way the finances are split between the members). Who knows he may have had this setup from the beginning. I know that Billy has said he played most if not all of the music on their first and best albums. Ever since losing James and D’arcy they have not been anywhere near as good IMO.

Next is The Black Crowes, I must preface this part with the idea that was not all their fault…but then again some of it was. I also would like to say that both Chris and Rich Robinson have never received the respect that they deserved as songwriters when Marc Ford, Johnny Colt, and Uncle Ed were in the band. Marc Ford was fired for drug problems and Johnny Colt probably left because he had enough. I personally know that being around 363381-7-1280682138731the dark cloud of the fighting Robinson Brothers, was hard to endure and I remember the anger between the two could be cut with a knife backstage before and after shows.

Another is Megadeth…again another situation where it was not all Dave Mustaine’s fault. There is however in all of the examples I present here enough fault to go around for everyone. Chris and Gar from the original lineup was inevitable because of drugs and death. Mustaine along with Junior were so amazingly good with Marty Friedman and Nick Menza. Bassist David Ellefson recently stated in part of a Blabbermouth article were he said that people don’t like band lineup changes but it is inevitable. I can see his point, sometimes you just can’t be around “unprepared” band members. I do see that Nick and Marty are everywhere as good as they were then and the current Megadeth lineup is not tight, with Drover on drums, he is always fighting to keep up and drumming style is boring IMO. Chris Broderick is technically amazing on guitar but the sound is to the point of being clinical and lacking any feeling or soul. So as much as Ellefson may be right about lineup changes being inevitable, I can also come to the conclusion that it does not mean a real progression for a band, symbolically yes…creatively, no.

Next the situation is a little bit different but comparable in every way to the aforementioned bands without getting rid of any members. That was Nirvana, and you know how I feel about them. The one thing in the Nirvana story which got me hissing was when Kurt Cobain through lawyers decided to change the three way split that had been in place, to where Krist and Dave received a percent of the original split because they were not the main songwriters. Maybe it’s just me but if I was in the same situation there is no way I would reconfigure the three way split out of principle. As it was, everyone would be filthy 18024-hottest_worldrich for life with the three way split. I understand Kurt was the force, but the band was Nirvana because of all three members.

Then there is Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy under the cover of Sharon has continually screwed original and former members out of publishing and writing credits since the beginning. A lot of what made Ozzy famous was his voice as bad as it could be live…it still was a force and often hauntingly amazing. Ozzy would never have been able to pick up the pieces after his firing from Black Sabbath without Randy Rhoads, Bob Daisley, and Lee Kerslake. Sharon was behind all the underhandedness and Ozzy just went along. Before “Blizzard of Oz” was released, the band had agreed to call and label themselves “The Blizzard Of Oz Band”, and that their first album would state this. When the album came out it was Ozzy who received top billing and the rest of the band just became the name of the album. Sharon chalked this up to a “Printing Error”, ahh yeah…ok! Ozzy is known to be able to come up with good random melodies but he barely wrote any of the music on his first two albums. Ozzy and Sharon did not want to give writing credits to anyone but Ozzy and maybe Randy (Also Rudy and Tommy who were the touring band later on but did not perform on the first two albums), and later would call the real authors of the albums session musicians. They did the same to Jake E. Lee. Very sad, and there is so much more to this story but I can’t get into it here now, it will have to come in a future article. To hear this about one of my favorite artists really left a bad taste in my mouth.

The last group I would like to touch on is Guns N’ Roses. They fit this list in the sense that Axl wanted ownership of the name and he’s been the force for many years now. Where they are different is that original members come back and leave  the band (for the most part) on their own volition. Some members don’t want to come back at least for now. Oddly enough the fact that the new Gun’s N’ Roses is very good musically and sounding excellent, and Duff is back…is a great sign that Rose with all his eccentricities has assembled a tight musical entity with Bumblefoot and Ashba.

So all of these stories have something in common and it took me some years for it to pan out. There are many other bands that I did not touch on here in the same or similar situations but you get the point. There is something to be said for a major creative force in a band taking control and continuing the money machine however it can be done. Where there is no loyalty to the other members from the past that made the band the success it is today. The lineups that I mentioned were amazing to watch and it was when all these bands were at there best. The members kicked to the curb were forces to watch onstage, now I go to see any of these bands live today and it is all about one or two members and they do not have the mojo that they once had (with the exception of Guns N’ Roses). With that said, I am still a fan at heart and Bild-105-600x685still listen and follow these bands…and I can’t help loving them even if they are just a shell of their former selves.

So with all that said, there was a band that I personally witnessed this phenomenon, and it has been largely written out of the record books, but as I was there I saw it happen right before my eyes. The band was White Zombie and it’s co-founder Rob Zombie. Now if you go to see Rob with his band name being all him, and you did not follow him early on you may not know the details on the split. It was not a direct result of the end of Rob and Sean’s intimate relationship, as that had ended years before. This may have been part of a continuing tension, but I got to see Rob in action in the early days, and now I know that Rob never had the desire to stay in White Zombie and that it was all about him. When guitarist Jay and bassist Sean we’re kicked to the curb it was not a surprise to me, again as it was all about Rob.

I remember seeing White Zombie live many times and at the beginning it was a small audience that grew quickly from show to show. I also remember seeing them play a club and it was sold out, and the next night I went to see them play at a different venue, the Campus Club in Providence Rhode Island and there were seven people there (Yes, seven including me). They played to an empty club and did a full set. I also remember that Rob did not interact with many of the fans at any of the gigs I was at, he would push them off on to Jay or Sean, and they would stop and talk for as long as you wanted they were really nice. This happened so many times to me and I saw it happen to others all the time. In fact Rob Zombie was one of the musicians that I found myself in a situation to talk to him dozens of times and he never spoke more than a few words to me…he always had a look of I don’t care, I’m all business.

So I had many conversations about music and other things with Jay and Sean Individually, so at the time I did not care about the lay of the land to come. Then there was the time I realized all was not good in White Zombie land. Jay and Sean were at NAMM in Anaheim and they were signing autographs on a photo of just him and Sean from “White Zombie” and there was no Rob in the picture. I remember thinking that’s weird that Rob is not in a White Zombie press photo. Sean and Jay also did not look happy to be there as well. It’s safe to say they looked miserable and a few years later would come to find out that Zombie had split IMG_3229_editedup and that Rob was going solo. Everything clicked at that moment to me. Rob, in my mind was the epitome of an opportunist and if you ask Rob Zombie fans, many would only know of Rob being the star.

Don’t take this to be sour grapes, because that could not be further from reality. I have nothing against Rob Zombie, he never did any thing negative to me. Just talking to Jay and Sean at the time I was happy because I just thought Rob was just impersonal.

If you had a chance to see White Zombie in the early days in a club, you would have been mesmerized. They were a force to be reckoned with. They were different than all the other bands out at the time and they rocked hard. All members of the band were amazing to watch and they were so damn tight. I have never bought a solo Rob Zombie album even though I heard songs that were very good. So I get it, Rob was the Alpha force driving the original band. When they broke up It was rare to hear anyone talking about it. I guess one had to be there to know what I’m talking about.

It’s interesting to see Rob in interviews now, because he comes off as very likeable and objective. It’s like he has settled into his fame and he is happy. He’s not as focused and intense as he was when I was around him. He knew he was going to be famous early on, I can see that now. I’m happy for him although I don’t follow him anymore. It was as if Rob was giving Jay and Sean that time to be around him for this journey, out of the kindness of his heart.

I write all my articles off the top of my head, this is why there is a free form feel to it and why I go off on tangents. Sometimes after writing about something that interests me I look around online to see if there is anything I should add to tighten up the writing. When I read the “White Zombie” Wikipedia Page, I got to the very last paragraph, and to put things in perspective, compare and contrast all that I just wrote with this quote ~

In June 2011, in an interview with Metal Hammer magazine, Rob Zombie was asked why White Zombie split up, in which he replied: “It had run its course. Success is a big thing that you can never plan for, because it affects everybody differently. I don’t want to blame myself or anyone else in the band – it’s just that the band didn’t work any more. Rather than continuing on and making shitty records and having it all fall apart , I thought ‘Let’s just end it on a high point'”.


It would be nice, one day to see a white Zombie reunion, but I will not hold my breath as the way it will probably go will be with John 5 on guitar instead of Jay. Again, nothing against John 5, I dig him he’s a Randy Rhoads fan and a sick guitarist to boot. Who knows, that is history now, and now you’ve heard it. My Process my review. Oh yeah, and don’t get me started on my favorite band Pink Floyd and Roger Waters.


Cheers and Bless Bless!


CM ☕


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Copyright © 2015 Christmachine. All Rights Reserved.

©2014 – 2020 Christmachine


The Las Vegas Adventure…Calling Dr. Thompson Part #2!

What the hell is all that noise…can’t a man get any sleep around here, I thought angrily. I was on the floor next to the bottle of ether and the sweet smell was permeating the air 900x900flparound me from the strainer lying next to my head. My head pounding, I was confused as my nose was caked with crystals…coach was sitting on the bed reading The Atlantic, saying “For the thousandth time it’s time to go”. He exclaimed The Eldorado was waiting out in front of the hotel and he was praising himself for the fact that he had waited until night for us to leave for So Cal. He knew the heat was rough on my constitution, as my coach these were the things I needed help with and thank God he did it well. There was good reason to keep him around.

I arose to fix myself so as to not tip off any of the neuro-typicals in the casino. I was not going into the bathroom again, not falling for that one. I had no control in that place like I did at home. I was able to adjust my tuxedo to the point were everything looked somewhat straight. I needed a new one as soon as I could get it, this one was worn out. I went over to my suitcase and as I was shaking and the bottles rattled…I took my medication from my organizer and noticed that I had missed two days 900x900px-LL-06b83c2e_465064_4b68902d77f81-worth. Had I been out for three days, I thought…well it would not be good to triple and catch up because we would be on the road and I did not want to leak out of the car into a puddle in the desert in the middle of the night.

We hurried through the casino to the caddy which I could see parked out in front of the hotel. Thank God for room check out because I could not face anyone in my present condition. Suitcase in the back and coach and I in the front we set of on the 15 to head towards Anaheim. It was so freaking hot, even at midnight, I could barely catch a breath as the air was so hot and dry and we had not even reached the desert yet. There was a warm six pack of Coca Cola on the floor of the front, I opened the sweet nectar and even though it was very warm, there was solace in just wetting my tongue.

I began to think and sometimes that can be a bad thing, but not now as I was comforted by the thoughts that had followed me my whole life. You see I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation but you know how people just have a feeling of what they may have been in another life? Well I had them often and strangely enough I feel as though I was a lifelong patron at an opium den. It was not about the drugs and getting high, for me it was about being in a state of dreaming and neutrality. That is no movement and fully sedated for days on end on a hard wood floor with only a small pillow to elevate my head to the pipe and burner, just in case I woke. The least amount of movement necessary to go back to my dreamlike state. I am instilled with the notion that there are no worries about money or time or responsibility. There is nothing but sleep for weeks and months at a time. There is also no chaos associated with this notion either so I must have had the funds to continue 600763_420429091388374_721449450_nFLPendlessly. No negative association either…I can’t fully grasp it but I imagine it’s like heaven on earth. I also can’t get any orientation as to where in the world I am participating in such a state of sloth.

Oh my God it’s getting so hot…is all I could think about. I can barely breathe, I imagine what it would have been like during the day. I was thankful for that! Next thing you know I start getting pelted in the face and chest with huge cockroaches…WTF!!! What the hell is going on…I could see coach ducking under the front of the windshield as I yelled at him what the hell was happening. He told me this sometimes happens in the desert, he’s heard. It was not cockroaches it was giant grasshoppers…billions of them falling from the sky. I could hear them popping as the tires rolled over them. I think they call these things locusts, you know like in the bible…was the world coming to an end. Coach and I were screaming nonsense back and forth at each900x900px-LL-1d2d9ddf_273455d1274789628amylee other but I did make out him saying that we would make a stop for gas at a tiny glowing station way off in the distance. What a relief, an end to this madness.

We pulled in and although it was lit up there seemed to be no one there, we pumped our gas and I could see these f’ing humongous grasshoppers fall from the sky as we took shelter under the awning. After filling the car we went into the office and there was a man sitting there in AC watching an old black and white television. “Rough night out there. eh boys.” Rough night I thought, what the hell is happening, he could tell I was confused and he looked like he had not seen anyone in days. “Oh the locusts” he said…”Yeah what’s with all the grasshoppers”, I said. He proceeded to explain that every several years this happens. Every several years!!! The night we head through the desert is the one time in several years…what madness. I looked at the temperature gauge outside and it read 130 degrees Fahrenheit at close to one in the morning.

So I guess we should just get in the car and continue on our way as if this was relatively normal. Well we did so and after another half hour of pulling these beasts from my hair  and teeth, it miraculously began to subside. Anaheim could not come fast enough…but we made it in a few hours and got to our hotel right across the street from Disney Land. I 900x900px-LL-3e4ea176_wards-of-the-crown-photo-of-a-young-lady-with-headphonescrashed on the bed after taking another dose of medication and I feel deep asleep. The nightmare was over, and as strange as it sounds the LA  air was a nice departure from the desert breath of death. I went out like a light.

I awoke the next morning and after fixing myself a bit and some meds…I was able to carry on. I thought it be good if I did not get too blitzed before we would go to get our press credentials at the convention center. I thought things could not get any stranger so early in the day, I stepped out of the hotel room for a breathe of fresh air. Oh no, yes it was happening in real life, I think. Right when I walked out the door sitting a mile away across an empty parking lot was WTF, Walleyworld! Yes from the movie…I know it 900x900px-LL-6af308c5_glamourai_radio2wwas disney land but it looked like Walleyworld with the empty parking lot and everything. I was in another dimension and had to get out of there, at least during the daytime, as it was too crazy for even me to handle.

I woke up coach in a panic and said we have to leave immediately because the outside world was closing in and we’d be lucky to get out of there alive. I grabbed my suitcase made sure everything was fastened down because I did not need clinking all day as we visited the convention booths. It was all a blur but after getting our credentials we went to a reception, I think it was for Washburn and who do I see right away but Nico McBrain and he was with Frankie Banali I think, and the new singer for Iron Maiden. Anyway I went straight over to him and gave him a big man hug and said, “where have you been all my life ugly.” He laughed out loud and since we both had free beer, the party was ready to begin full swing. We got so loaded, we were knocking over potted plants and tables and chairs and people. Sounds obnoxious I know but it was Nico…that was my queue to go hog wild, funny thing is he started getting wild. We were yelling and singing…I knew every word to every Maiden song and he was impressed. Others were not…but again it was Nico and when In Rome. This went on for a few hours and we ran into Mike Inez…I think he was in Ozzy at the time…maybe AIC…I forget. I’m writing this 900x900px-LL-7ef0824f_20090521015757from memory and do no fact checking so you get what I got. Mike was laying low in his leather cowboy hat…I wanted to trade my visor for it but he  would not. I was a a wild obnoxious guy in a rusty tuxedo. What did I expect.

Any way there was a piano there and Charlie Farren was there and playing elton songs and we were all singing our lungs out for a few hours till they kicked us all out of the hotel lobby. Everyone was pretty drunk and someone slipped some E into my beer. Vavoom and I was off…we went to see Greg Allman jam at an adjacent hotel and see Buckethead tear it up. He was amazing and it was still in the time period where he was wearing the KFC bucket on his head before he got attacked over copyright. The night was young and I was raring to go. As it was dark…boy does time fly, there was no sleep for me. Next thing it was morning after going from hotel room to hotel room all night and meeting people that where as crazy or crazier than me.

Well it was the next day and as I reflected on the day before, I thought there was no way it could get any crazier and I was wrong. Coach had given up and gone back to the hotel room without me last night. I found it better kicking it with Nuno Bettencourt for a while just 900x900px-LL-09e29a50_headphoneskstshooting the shit about music, it was then that a girl caught my eye. She looked my way as well, so I said goodbye Nuno and got with this girl and she was real friendly. She worked for a LA newspaper and she said, “You want to go over to the convention center and see some booths as well as get passes for parties”, that would be going on that night (My sentiments exactly). At some point I ran into coach, he looked really annoyed, and I could’nt help but think ‘hey poopy pants, who is the party pooper now?’. I was having such a great time and his recommendations were going unheeded. No offence to him, so I hooked him up with Jay from White Zombie and he was able to do an interview with him so coach was happy.

Walking around the booths with my girl pal…we eventually came to an area with a lot of commotion and I asked somebody what was the attraction. Someone said that it was Pam Anderson signing autographs and Tommy Lee was with her. So who did I run into all pissed off and jonesing Nikki Sixx. It was weird because everyone was falling all over Pam and Tommy that no one seemed to recognize Nikki but me. We had a chat and he was as pissed off as I thought…Sixx sense. He was waiting for Tommy to finish with Pamela…and 900x900px-LL-9b4ab95e_0345_31_4that seemed long off so after a sudden rush of photographers. You see when I went up to him, the photographers relized who it was and started snapping shots and that’s when he got really annoyed. So we got out of there so we could get got sorted…he was in a much better mood after that. Nikki wanted to get back with Tommy so we head back to their both and waited for them to finish.

So it was the second time running into Tommy in two weeks across state lines no less…he recognised me and we had a quick chat…after some nonsense, Tommy was a real chill guy…not edgy like Nikki. Nikki was cool too, he just had better places to be…ahem. Tommy had the “I could hang out here all day” attitude just real a sweet guy. It was as if I’d known him for years even though we had really just met. He gave me his secretary Karen’s number written on a Doc McGhee business card and said if I was ever in LA again to hit him up and “come and check out the band in the studio”. That’s how cool he was…awesome!

So there was reception after reception..I got to hang out with Jake E Lee which was a real thrill as well…super cool guy. Rock star after rock star blitzed out of my mind and coach was even happy…could it get any better. There did come a point in the day that Coach said he had some work to do and communicate with his editor. So I told him I would be fine without him as long as I stayed with my girl and not leave the confines of the convention and hotels. That was it for coach…I was on my own. We got invited to a party at someone’s crib in Malibu who will remain nameless. If you’ve ever seen the parties that they had in 900x900px-CrpFlpthe movie Boogie Nights…that’s exactly what it was like. The music was loud, nude, and very very high. The party went on for three days and two nights…I was tilled! We danced and crashed and danced and swam and caught crazy sun. My girl slept in one of the many bedrooms while I rallied on.

At some point in the middle of day three she wanted  to take me to her place in Orange County. I was so numb and could barely talk, I obliged and went back to her place and slept for four days straight. I woke to her nudging me on occasion as well as a bowl of cereal here and there. When I finally woke from the stupor…she told me that she wanted me to live with her.  This was followed by trips to the sunset strip to see 311 at the Whiskey and chill out at the rainbow. Life was really good and I was well stocked with incidentals. So I did not need to leave for a few weeks. One of the best benders I’d ever had. What happened with the girl, well I said we could communicate by phone, but I never saw her again. I love LA but when I got home that time, one of my many adventures in LA over the years I took the longest shower I have ever taken in my life. Oh yeah and I returned the tux.

Braindamage Inc.


Thanks for reading my nonsense, more interesting articles to come!

Cheers and Bless Bless!


CM ☕


Please do not reproduce this article either all or in part without the expressed written permission of the author who can be reached via the “Contact” section in the header menu. You may link to the article if you wish, all that we ask is that you give credit to the respective author…”Christmachine” wherever you post a link. Thank you.




Copyright © 2015 Christmachine. All Rights Reserved.

©2014 – 2020 Christmachine


The Las Vegas Adventure…Calling Dr. Thompson Part #1!

As I disembarked from the airplane I was on full. I just wanted to get my luggage and get away from this neutered artificial reality. I figured it was best to blend in around the Slots in muJthe airport lounge. We had spent most of our money on potent incidentals because that was more important than getting to our location. My Life Coach thought it best that we immediately get a “free ride” to Fremont street from the airport to our hotel. We were staying at the palatial  Binion’s Horseshoe Hotel. You know the place with a million dollars in cash sitting in the lobby and had a strict “Leave Your Guns At The Door Policy”. The problem was that our hotel did not have a shuttle service from the airport but my Coach was not worried. He just said we’ll get our free ride from the Golden Nugget across the street. I was confused but he was my life coach after all and there would be hell to pay if he got it wrong.

So Coach got on the courtesy phone by the slots and ordered our ride to the Golden Nugget. Still I was confused, but what seemed like forever we finally saw the mini van pull up. After loading the luggage, we were on our way. When we got to the nugget Coach gave the driver a fiver for a tip and we entered the hotel lobby. Coach whispered to me “Just follow my lead.” We walked up to the check in desk and although I was nervous there was no going back now. Coach opened his electronic organizer and said to the desk clerk as our baggage, now on a rolling cart was placed beside us, “Ma’am I would like to book five nights here at your hotel next month.” He continued on saying, ” My editor will be calling to confirm and pay for these days within the next couple of hours.” She obliged and made sure the dates were correct, finishing by saying, “Would you gentlemen like to take advantage of our breakfast this morning.” Coach replied in the affirmative.

We left our bags with the concierge and although I was not the bit interested in food as we had been awake for as long as I could remember. I did partake in a piece of hot bacon and a dip in the pool in my underwear. It was still early in the day and there was no one around thank God. We would have been booted for sure. After gathering our things we walked across the street to our hotel so we could finally get shelter from the hot morning sun. We were in Vegas for the week for C.E.S., scheduled to go on to NAMM in Anaheim the following week. Well we checked into the Horseshoe and right when I got to my room I could not help but freak out.

I emptied my pockets onto my bed, cash, a variety of incidentals, several pharmaceutical bottles, a visitor guide, a toothbrush, and a comb. Coach backed into the corner as I began to run around the hotel room screaming at the top of my lungs. “What am I going to do”, “How will I survive this viscous reality”. I did this for a few minutes until I could feel Coach grab me, throw me onto the floor and shove into my face a bottle of Alkyl Nitrite’s. I immediately got dizzy as I could feel the blood pumping through my veins into my brain.

I was sedated and handed my morning dose of medication which I took down like any good person would. As I turned over the room was spinning like vertigo, but now I was calm. Coach began to explain to me that as it was my first time to the Glitter Gulch, that he recommended that If I follow his advice everything would be fine. I think I passed out for a few hours only to wake up to coach listening with headphones to his Disc Man and dancing with four girls around the room. They were dancing and laughing to the music that bled cranked from his cans. As I head to the mini bar I asked Coach what the hell was going on…he said he was dancing and that if I wanted to prove not to be a party pooper I should dance too.

My head was pounding but soon that was relieved, better living through chemistry I thought. What would we do without analogues, I was utterly indebted to Mister S. So after fixing my face I went into the bathroom…but there was a mirror on the wall and that was not good. How could I be so stupid and forget about the damn mirror on the wall, most bathrooms have them. Oh sure you think what’s the big deal, well only that my nose was coming out of my bellybutton. I splashed some water on my face from the shower, fixed my face, and said to myself that I could do this I just had to give myself a chance.

It was time to head to the convention center to have some business cards made up by an automated self service machine that spit out 100 business cards on the spot containing 2655603322_262b337d76anything that you wanted on them. The reason for these was that in order to get into the convention for free with press credentials I had to have official business cards. This was why I kept Coach around, not only did he keep me in line but he had every little angle sorted out way ahead of time. I was new to all of this so I would not have been able to do it without him. That’s what he was paid for and he was the best at it. I could not have done any better.

Now picture this, all of the shenanigans that previously been encountered were done while wearing a tuxedo…yes I said it…a tuxedo….like at a wedding. I looked like a penguin with road maps for eyes. I was dressed to kill but I was disheveled none the less. Coach said in order to get respect from people you had to be dressed for success. With tops and tails, at this point I had already lost the top hat….I thought it looked stupid on me anyway, but Coach wore his with flying colors. Well he was in charge if it was up to me this whole adventure would have been long over by now.

After getting our credentials we decided to head to the Press luncheon…every day there were free lunches and dinners for us, members of the press were treated well with sponsored meals by the big audio manufacturers. Today was provided by Shure audio components. All the big wigs were there, I was like a fish out of water at first but soon got into the vibe and went along as I was handed live microphones to try out. Yes ladies and gentle furs   Karaoke from hell and I was tapped to sing because Coach just had to tell everyone that I was a vocalist. Now I must tell you that I hate…did I say hate Karaoke!!! Yes I put my manhood between my crotch and belted out my rendition of Purple Rain. Then Ramblin’ Man, Breaking the law, and Metallica’s Trapped under Ice. Let me tell you I blew those Karaoke muther F’ers away. I finished by throwing the mic in the air and it landed on the stage with a thump just like Axl Rose does. They had taken advantage of me…my weakness, complete and utter love for absurdity.

I left the ballroom humiliated but then I saw that the adult film expo was in full swing I had to check the legendary event out for myself. I did not know what I was in for. It was being held in the old Sahara hotel and casino and as you can figure, it was the most crowded and popular event. As I entered the ballroom the first thing I saw was an Amazonian woman on top of tables chained to a wall with red palm prints all over her backside as everyone that 800px-Hunter_S._Thompson_in_F_filmCRPentered the exhibition was to walk up to her and slap her behind before entering. I was horrified!!! The thing was either she really liked it or really new how to act. That was not for me as I was not a fan of degrading women in any way. I made a B line for the bustle of the crowd to get the hell out of there.

Now as I said I am not into degrading women but I would soon come to find this was not just bout naked women but naked men being promiscuous as well. It was, other than the initial impression when I walked in, equal opportunity. Ron Jeremy was there with all the famous Porn stars like Janine Lindemulder and Jenna Jamieson. There were cages where sexual acts were being performed in front of audiences. If this did not sober someone up nothing would. What I was witnessing was insane…I cannot begin to describe, you know what you see on video today…well they were doing it live.

Tommy Lee was there with two girls under his arms, as was Drew Carrey, and Penn and Teller. I forget who else but there were a lot of stars there, and everyone was getting wasted at one in the afternoon and not just soft drugs….everything right out in the open. It  was the wild west and anything went. I went from P0rn Star 3779675045_c79df1c5d2to P0rn Star meeting them all and getting pictures and autographs on glossies that each entertainer handed out. Yes I have the pictures and glossies to prove it over a hundred of them. This was in the early 90’s so I was using a manual camera. Sometime I will scan them all and post them in a gallery here.

There was a rock band playing in the corner and they were doing covers of strip joint standards like Girls Girls Girls. Large glass tables with mounds of rocks of cocaine were on display for people to partake. I’m not talking 8 balls here kids, I’m talking Rolling Stones size cocaine as in a kilo. It was the most I’ve seen in my life…I was blown away. I learned that you could put this substance in just about every orifice possible to get high…no not me, in them. As I say to people of these types of experiences, welcome to mars.

Now you might be saying why on earth would you post this…it has very little if at all to music. Well as I posted silly rabbits, that this was just day one of the convention in Vegas, and Part One. Part Two will be on my adventures at the famous NAMM convention in Anaheim the following week. There was plenty of music at that event, I felt it best to set the stage of my trip in Vegas and the west coast. So stick around to see how that went.


Bless Bless!

Braindamage Inc.


CM ☕


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